Why make long term plans?

I once gave a seatwork on long-term personal goals to my students and one of them turned the table and excitedly asked me of my future plans, as if he would get some juicy information out of me. Surprise and amazement at the same time enveloped his face when I answered him confidently: “I don’t have any.”

I don’t have the luxury of making long term plans or goals anymore. If you are the kind of person who almost died twice and who’s not quite sure how long his or her life on earth would be, then you’ll probably understand why I don't have any long term plans.

Well, in reality, I actually do have plans but these are not long-term. These are what I would call “shorter short-term plans.” My initial plan is to make it through a day and make sure I wake up the next day and get to spend it with my family and friends. The next plan is to keep myself out of the hospital; and finally, do whatever it is that I can do now. These plans don't look as easy as they sound, and to those who are thinking that mine is a sad situation, you’re very much mistaken. It actually is not, instead, it is a sweet situation where I get to treasure every minute I have.

No, I’m not yet dying! At least not very soon, but with the condition I have, God only knows when my body will totally give way and succumb to death. I have hemolytic anemia and I’m trying hard to keep my hemoglobin count stable.

Hemolytic anemia is a disease wherein a person’s antibodies are destroying red blood cells at a faster rate than the bone marrow’s production of it. So, the bone marrow's production couldn’t keep up with the destruction of the cells causing the body’s blood count to eventually drop. What triggers it? Apparently, the trigger would vary from person to person. Mine is cold agglutinin, which means, cold temperature causes my anti-bodies to become active, thereby destroying my RBC.

It was only last year that my disease was finally discovered, but I’ve been in and out of the hospital for two years. Last year I had three blood transfusions because my hemoglobin count dropped to a critical level. As the blood ran through my veins, so did the realizations in my head—life is short. It’s a cliché, I know, but apparently, it’s true.

While I was contemplating on what I’ve been doing with my life, I realized how unbalanced it was. I was too focused on things that would get me to earn more or achieve more in terms of career; I neglected my family, and more importantly, myself.

I, of course, asked the doctor if my condition would change if the illness would actually go away. Unfortunately, I was told that it’s staying with me for good. Then images of my yaya’s sister who died of aplastic anemia flashed through my head. Hers was a more difficult case; she had to have blood transfusion every two months because her bone marrow is not producing blood. She eventually got tired of the regular procedure. She ran away from our place and went back home to their province where she finally gave in to death. I then wondered, how long before I give up from the pain (and expenses!) and say hi to our Maker? Nah! I realized it was such a depressing thought so I let go of it. I told myself “why worry about the future when I should be thinking of the ‘now.’”

I decided that if I am to live with this illness, then I will live with it happily. I will make sure that every moment will be worthwhile. I will eat what I want to eat, go where I want to go, spend time with whomever I want to spend time with. I want to be remembered as an action taker and not the planner that I have always been. I want to be remembered as someone who has achieved her goals; someone who doesn’t have any regret.

And so I told my student that plans and goals, to be achievable, have to be realistic. The future for me is uncertain and doing a plan for the next five years is not really realistic for me. Maybe a plan for the next five days is more realistic. My student still couldn’t wipe off the amazement from his eyes, and so I reiterated: "What is happening in the ‘now’ is the only feasible thing for me."