Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Facing memories of a recent past

There are times when you think that you have moved on from a very tight situation that you have put yourself into. But some things in the present suddenly draws back sad memories. Sad memories that you rather bury. Sad memories that you struggled so much to forget. But alas! they found a way to reach you once more and make you think...what have happened to me?

Well, I'm there...here...in the middle of the crossroad where I have to decide on whether to go on and continue encountering all these reminders or turn around and not face any of them. Sadly, though I have choices, I choose the hard way. I'm moving and facing all these things...my everyday reminder of a past I'd rather forget. This way, I can measure how brave I can be.

I believe I am brave enough to go on. Though at times I do doubt my strength, I struggle still to convince myself that I am indeed brave. This way...maybe...somehow...I can convince everyone else around me too.

It's hard living a life where your only escape from pain is to run away from reality. I try not to, but everytime I encounter something that reminds me of my past, my feet comes to life and run away. I'm no coward, I just want to play safe...or do I...I don't know anymore.

These recent events have put me in limbo once more. Now I'm not so sure of what I want. I am brave yet afraid...I am wise yet stupid...I love yet I hate. The irony of it all, once more came to shadow me. I am again lost...torned between my mind and my heart.

My only consolation now is that, this broken heart stayed alive. Loving but not rebounding, hurting and not pretending.

Now I face these trials...now I struggle once more...now I am alone to face - the memories of a recent past.

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