It’s my fault they won

I was not able to vote yesterday.  I had my reasons and it is far from what other non-voters claim—that they couldn’t find anyone worthy of their vote. But it is selfish nevertheless.

I actually have a list, which now bugs my conscience. Had I turned my back on the pressing thing I had to do yesterday, had I gone out to vote, I may have made a difference somehow.

Sorry, I don’t agree with what other people say—that my vote is just one vote and will not make a difference.  If we all think this way, then we are talking of a hell lot of votes being put to waste just because each one who would have practiced it thought it didn’t matter. My vote counts; and my not being able to vote yesterday had just eliminated my right to question the results of the election.

People in FB have been ranting over why Nancy Binay made it to the top 12. I cannot say anything, I couldn’t comment. Who am I to say that the people who voted for Nancy Binay are crazy? They are no crazier than I am who just threw away a chance to make a difference. 

Yet, I’d like to have a chance to pick the brain of those who actually voted for Binay and the others (by others I would mean those that are being bashed over the net). They may have seen something in these candidates that I didn’t see. I have a blind spot sometimes. But in the same way that I have my reason why I chose my candidates, these people who voted for Binay and the others have their reasons as well. I do hope they did not just rely on name recall otherwise it would be an even sadder Philippines in the next six or more years.

I had a list. It was a dream team, or at least I believe it is a dream team. The people in my list aren’t that famous, some are fresh blood; others have been in the government for quite some time, but with very few negative records. I do not claim my candidates to be perfect, I just think they are the lesser evil. Pardon me for my term, but I have always had this impression that once people take a seat in public office, there is very high probability for them to become corrupt. They become blinded by their interests that they forget to care about their country. No one escapes the dirty system, I know deep inside of me that even the people in my list will eventually be eaten up by the system, but like what I have said, they are the lesser evil, they still somehow have some good left in them.

Unfortunately, my list is left now to just sit in my drawer. I was so consumed by my work that I forgot to care about my country. Now what does that make of me?  I am no different than those who are in public office working to serve their own interests. Now, I have no one else to blame for the partial results that I’ve seen so far but myself.

Well that’s life; too late for any ranting now. It’s not healthy to dwell on a faulty decision, because the result is already there staring us in the face. The best thing to do is accept it, work around it, and not lose hope.

It’s my fault that these people will take oath and lead our country. Next time, I will make sure I’m not to blame myself anymore. This is one mistake I will try hard not to do again!

There's no such thing as forgetting

I don't think that we ever stop loving people. I think that the kind of love or the level of love only changes but it'll always be there.

Even if we say that we hate a person, that still means there is love, for we will not know hate if we do not know love. In the same way that we will have no concept of good if we don't know bad, nor will we know light if we know not darkness.

It is love that fires up hate; too much love means greater hate, lesser love of course means lesser hate.

At the end of the day, when all the hatred wanes, the love does not really go away with it as most people would say. The love simply transforms into something different, something probably weaker, something not enough to power a strong relationship yet something no longer capable of generating too much hate, something near indifference, something unnoticeable yet existing, something that we can choose not to acknowledge even if we can feel it sting.

Sometimes when we see a person that we say we used to love, there is still this sting, that's because we still love the person, just not in the same way that we used to. Besides, we have to admit, we owe this person probably a lot, for if it were not for the pain and hate we felt during or after the relationship, we would not have learned. (okay last sentence is only applicable to those who actually learned something...for the others, ponder on it.)

And this is the result of me watching the movie "Playing for Keeps"  with Gerard Butler and Jessica Biel as lead characters. Some of you might think I'm too shallow to cry while watching this movie since this is not really heavy drama, but those of you who knows me understands that even funny movies make me cry. 

Read about the movie "Playing for Keeps"
 

A healthy morning ritual

    Ever felt guilty about drinking coffee?
    Many people have had this feeling, primarily because coffee used to be blamed for so many illnesses like cancer, heartburn and hyper-acidity. This has conditioned most people that coffee is indeed bad for the body. Thus, the morning ritual of having a cup of coffee became a guilty pleasure.
    But then again, recent researches prove that coffee has its own good points and now, it is being promoted as a healthy drink.
    According to Kirchheimer of WebMD, at least six studies indicate that people who drink coffee on a regular basis are up to 80% less likely to develop Parkinson's, with three showing the more they drink, the lower the risk. Parkinson’s disease is a degenerative disorder of the central nervous system. If often impairs the sufferer's motor skills and speech, as well as other functions.
    Further research shows that compared to not drinking coffee, at least two cups daily can translate to a 25% reduced risk of colon cancer, an 80% drop in liver cirrhosis risk, and nearly half the risk of gallstones.
    Coffee also cuts the risk of type 2 diabetes, which is a common disease at present according to Harvard researchers.
    There are also evidences showing that coffee may help manage asthma and even control attacks when medication is unavailable, stop a headache, boost mood, and even prevent cavities. Add to this the more vain benefit of coffee being an age defying supplement.
    Amazingly, researches also show that coffee even offsets some of the damage caused by other vices. Tomas DePaulis, PhD, a research scientist at Vanderbilt University's Institute for Coffee Studies says, "people who smoke and are heavy drinkers have less heart disease and liver damage when they regularly consume large amounts of coffee compared to those who don't."
    So, what’s with coffee? Is it the caffeine?
    The answer is a big yes!
     Some of coffee's reported benefits are a direct result of its higher caffeine content: An eight ounce cup of drip-brewed coffee contains about 85 mg -- about three and a half times more than the same serving of tea or cola or one ounce of chocolate. (Kirchheimer, WebMD)
     Yet, let not everyone be too excited about this because, just like most other health food, this is not for everyone. Excess doses can increase nervousness, hand trembling, and cause rapid heartbeat in some people. It may also raise cholesterol levels and may contribute to artery clogging. However, most recent large studies show no significant adverse effects on most healthy people, although pregnant women, heart patients, and those at risk for osteoporosis may still be advised to limit or avoid coffee.
     The bottom line here according to Harvard lead researcher, Frank Hu MD is, "people who already drink a lot of coffee don't have to feel 'guilty' as long as coffee does not affect their daily life," he adds, "They may actually benefit from coffee habits in the long run."
     So, these researchers have finally justified our overtime in coffee shops and our morning rituals of a coffee cup. But, why spend so much on this health drink when you can get them for a more reasonable price in supermarkets?
    Wipe that guilt and start living a healthy life, get a bag of coffee from start stirring your coffee cup.

Love Snack

We have been used to putting cookies, biscuits or chips in our kids’ lunchboxes. Though delicious and easy to pack, these food do not have enough nutrients to keep our kids fit. It’s high time to move to a more nutritious snack without sacrificing taste.

Sandwiches are nutritious and can be a complete meal if packed with the right combination of filling. Also, it is fun to prepare, especially when we do it with our kids.

Choosing the bread would be the first step. Figure out what kids prefer. There are wide varieties of breads from white, wheat to rye. We can even use less common breads for sandwiches like rolls and pita, and we can toast the breads too.

Next, choose a spread that would keep the bread together. The most common of these would be mayonnaise, but try experimenting on jams, margarine and even avocado.

To make a complete meal out of our sandwiches, let’s add ham, bacon or tuna. Then, put in some vegetables like lettuce, tomatoe, and pickles. There are more fillings to choose from; you can put in fresh or canned goods. Just make sure you put in those that kids would like eating.

Since kids have small hands, slicing up the sandwich would be a good idea. It will be easier for kids to handle and less messy.

Now, to complete the meal, put some juice, milk or soup in their lunchboxes.

If sandwiches will be served as snacks at home, then we may want to explore our creativity even more. Try different styles of slices like squares, triangles or whatever comes to mind. Use decorated toothpicks to keep the sandwich together. To make it look more interesting, garnish the plates with tomatoes formed like flowers or baskets.

While sandwiches are fun to make and delicious, it’s always love that puts in the final flavor. So, bring the kids now to the grocery and have them pick their sandwich fillings and start making a love-filled sandwich.

Facing memories of a recent past

There are times when you think that you have moved on from a very tight situation that you have put yourself into. But some things in the present suddenly draws back sad memories. Sad memories that you rather bury. Sad memories that you struggled so much to forget. But alas! they found a way to reach you once more and make you think...what have happened to me?

Well, I'm there...here...in the middle of the crossroad where I have to decide on whether to go on and continue encountering all these reminders or turn around and not face any of them. Sadly, though I have choices, I choose the hard way. I'm moving and facing all these things...my everyday reminder of a past I'd rather forget. This way, I can measure how brave I can be.

I believe I am brave enough to go on. Though at times I do doubt my strength, I struggle still to convince myself that I am indeed brave. This way...maybe...somehow...I can convince everyone else around me too.

It's hard living a life where your only escape from pain is to run away from reality. I try not to, but everytime I encounter something that reminds me of my past, my feet comes to life and run away. I'm no coward, I just want to play safe...or do I...I don't know anymore.

These recent events have put me in limbo once more. Now I'm not so sure of what I want. I am brave yet afraid...I am wise yet stupid...I love yet I hate. The irony of it all, once more came to shadow me. I am again lost...torned between my mind and my heart.

My only consolation now is that, this broken heart stayed alive. Loving but not rebounding, hurting and not pretending.

Now I face these trials...now I struggle once more...now I am alone to face - the memories of a recent past.

When my bird had a stroke :)

I found this article from my baul. I just thought I'd post it here after I read ma'am Amor's blog on her Koko :) I was reminded writing an article back in 2003 about heat stroke, inspired by how my bird became a victim...o well...

Early that Sunday morning my in-law transferred our ‘maina’ in her new cage. A cage much, much better than the one she’s been in for almost a year. It was dome shaped and made of metal coated with brown paint, which made it look like brass. We placed the cage at a corner in our rooftop where it was surrounded with plants, giving the bird a feel of being in a garden. Everyone was just too pleased to see her in that beautiful cage that no one had the faintest idea of what a big mistake we did.

At around 2 p.m. of that same day, my brother ran down the stairs holding in his hand a black feathery thing…yes it was the bird! She was not breathing and her body was so hot. We went up to see the cage and there it stood under the heat of the sun…my in-law uttered “na-heat stroke” and my sister quipped “kaw ba naman ang mababad ng ganyan sa araw e!”

Many sneered or even laughed at me when they hear how sad everyone in the house was after the incident, but what they don’t realize is that we were sad because we felt like the bird was roasted in her cage because we took for granted the sometimes, unfriendly heat of the sun.

My sister was right “ikaw ba naman ang mababad ng ganyan sa araw e!” because, later I found out that incidence of heat stroke has been reported all over the world. People have been dying of this illness and just recently, Health Secretary Manuel Dayrit warned the public of this illness.

Heat stroke is a type of heat stress, just like heat cramps and heat exhaustion, but it is the most serious of the three types as it can cause brain damage if not death.

Heat cramps are caused by muscle contraction at the hamstring areas. This can be really painful, like severe muscle pull. Decrease in body fluid and high temperature often cause this illness, thus a good amount of water intake and rest in a cool place can help prevent this. While heat cramp is not life threatening, ignoring it may lead to the development of a more serious heat related illness.

Heat exhaustion, as its name implies, is when the body gets exhausted from cooling off. Experts often remind us that sweating is healthy since it cools off our body and by that, balance the body temperature. However, very high temperature may sometimes cause our body to heat up faster that it can perspire, and the body then gets tired of cooling of.

Heat exhaustion is often characterized by fatigue, dizziness, nausea, paleness, vomiting and cool, clammy skin.

If signs of this illness manifests, it is best to go to a cool and shady environment or cool the body with tepid water. Covering the body with towels soaked in cold water will also help. Drink water a little at a time, but do it lots of times to ensure that the body keeps hydrated.

Heat exhaustion is a serious illness and should not be taken for granted. If the body temperature stay high even after treatment, it is best to consult a doctor.

Heat stroke on the other hand is a gravely serious illness, which may lead to death. This is when the body stops sweating while the body temperature continues to rise. While heat exhaustion slowly strikes and symptoms are often noticed easily, heat strokes may strike without warnings. The body turns hot and dry even in the under arms. A victim may suddenly show a change in behavior and may even hallucinate. Rapid pulse, delirium and seizure often happen. Then the victim becomes unconscious.

People who are unaccustomed to heat or who often becomes dehydrated from exercise or vomiting are most likely to be victims, so are people who works outdoors or who spend too much time under the sun. Those with diabetes, or heart disease should also be careful. Infants are also susceptible to these illnesses since their sweat glands are not yet well developed.

In a country such as ours where the weather shoots up often and especially now that El Niño is up, it is wise know what signs to look for to determine possible heat stress. Yet, it is still best to cautious to prevent heat related illnesses.

Taking care of the body and making sure that it is well hydrated may prevent these heat related illnesses. Drink lots of water before and after beating the heat. Putting salt in the water may also help (1/2 teaspoon salt in 1 quart of water). Formulated drinks such as Gatorade are also good since they maintain electrolytes in the body. If you happen to sweat a lot, drink more water.

Aside from hydration, ventilation is also very important. Sitting in shaded, places or places with plenty of airspace helps the body to naturally cool off. Always open windows when indoors or use a fan. Don’t stay long under the heat of the sun rest and cool off from time to time.

As for clothing, wear loose ones that would allow the body to release heat. Try to avoid tight clothing as it restricts the heat from coming out. Dark colors on the other hand absorb heat. Hats are okay, but when you feel that your head is getting hot remove it to prevent the heat from being trapped in you body.

So, your job may require you to stay under the sun, or you may feel like its summer and you ought to be under the sun having fun. But put in mind that the outdoors is not always fun and the sun is not always friendly.

A book…five months…a countdown to my reign over anger

There are some things in life that you just cannot change. You may have accepted it to be as such, but the people around you may not have.

There are times when you try so hard to fight and be strong for the people you love, only to find out that some of them would be hurting you and would, in the end, be causing anger to build up in you…not intentionally though.

I have been met by the greatest trial in my life. The one event I never thought would happen to me, yet it did, and all because I was too stubborn to use my head and too weak to have allowed my heart to lead me.

But the damage has been done, pain has been inflicted upon innocent ones and blame has been poured over the rightful recipient…me.

Yet, for how long should I endure these blames, these hurting words that even though I do admit all of my mistakes I still don’t feel deserving of being called sumpa (cursed), malas (misfortune) and worse lahi ng demonyo (of the devil’s bloodline), by the very people I have been loving all my life…my family.

I have grown accustomed to being addressed to as the bringer of malas in our home after my recent illicit affair which bore a fruit. Even the retirement of my dad, the financial difficulty in our house…almost everything bad happening to the family has been blamed on me. I have brought upon us the malas.

Well, I don’t blame them for calling me such. They were hurt by what I did and my recent crisis came at the same time when the family is experiencing great difficulties. I actually added up to the burden.

But I intended to help out. I told them I would work even in my condition, but they won’t let me. They wanted me to stay home for some reason.

So, now that the difficulty is much too deep to deny, I am the easiest to pin the blame on, not directly, but by calling me as the malas.

Just recently another term has been coined – sumpa. I do want to believe that my brother, the one who made the statement, did not intend to say such a thing to me, as the word was not directly addressed to me. However, as he said “Naniniwala na ata ako sa sumpa!” he was looking straight at me.

I’d like to believe that I’m just paranoid, for I do not think my brother, the one of all my siblings, who gained my greatest respect for his rational thinking, would say such a thing to me. Nevertheless, it hurts so much…paranoid or not of me.

Well, here at home, when Sundays come, you would often hear my mom saying that, we are having great misfortunes because I am not attending church anymore and that I do not pray. And whenever she gets the chance to come near me she would tell me “Magdasal ka naman anak para mawala ang malas natin.”

Well, you might say I’m just being too sensitive when I tell you that these words are irritating me each day that passes, but they do.

Honestly, I do pray, but do I really have to show the world that I am praying?

I believe that the only one who can help me keep my sanity despite all the things that are happening to me is my faith to Jesus. This is why I pray. I talk to Him, thank him and share my pains to him.

I pray to thank the Lord that up until now I can still love and think…that I am still sane. I go to church for a different reason…that is to make my mother happy.

Unfortunately, my mother’s belief of faith is one associated only to the Catholic Doctrine…thus I am a sinner and they are being punished as well for my sins.

Just this Sunday, I have experienced the deepest anger I have ever had for my mother. A feeling I never thought would come over me, but it did and though I’m deeply sorry for feeling it, I can’t help it and it’s still in me until now.

I wasn’t able to attend mass that Sunday because I have been having cramps and for some reason, I feel tired of listening to the priest moralizing, politicizing and criticizing most every person they can criticize for being a non-Catholic and these is being done during the children’s mass, where most of the attendees are children – who aren’t actually interested in the kind of sermon being done for they just run around the church, chat with each other, or sleep.

Well, my mother found out about it and she was so upset. She went to our room that night and seeing me lying on my bed, she most likely thought that I was asleep. So she called on my daughter and asked if we attended mass. My daughter of course told the truth the we didn’t, and my mother, so angry at what she heard, shouted at my daughter and told her “May lahi na talaga kayong demonyo!” she slammed the door after.

I turned to look I my daughter who was just staring at the closed door and was not saying a thing, until I called her to lye beside me.

I was so mad at my mother! I can accept being addressed as malas, or sumpa. It would have been fine for me too if she said “May lahi na talaga kayong demonyo!” directly to me…but no…she had to tell it to my daughter!

I wanted to ran after my mother, shout at her for what she said, of all the things I have been called this is but the lowest and it being said to my daughter just makes it even worse!

My daughter is nine and everything you say to her she is able to retain in her head. She is like a recorder and I wouldn’t be shocked if one day she would again bring up that comment, like what she always does about things she heard from a long time ago.

My anger rose and I would admit it’s still rising, because it has topped most every pain I have felt over the last few months since this crisis of mine broke out.

Yet I tried to keep calm. I do not want my daughter seeing me charging at my mom even if I have a valid reason. It’s just not a good example.

I kept calm and told myself “five months and a book to buy our freedom and we’ll be off!”

There’s nothing stopping me now. I love my family, I love my father and even if my anger for my mom is growing, I know I still love her. But I have a family of my own and she just charged at my daughter - I love my children the most, so I’m buying our freedom before my daughter gets hurt even more.

You might say I’m doing it for the wrong reason, but I think it’s about time to make my move. Move on in life on my own and prove to my children that we can survive…that I can survive for them.

Why buy my freedom? You might ask. I love my father and it has been my greatest dream to leave him something of my own, a piece of me before I prove to them I can stand alone.

I know he wouldn’t let me and would most probably say I can’t make it. But I have to make it. It’s something I have to do. Yet I cannot leave our home, knowing that I haven’t done anything for my dad. This book I am making is the one, it will help his business and it will leave him a piece of me.

And though it pains me to think that I have to do such an exit…I must for my own sanity.

Love is not enough, I have things to prove to myself, I have responsibilities to my children, that I should have started long ago, but was not able to for I was perceived as weak and unable to do so. Yet I am not…it was my guilt…my conscience…my fear of being called ungrateful for my family that has been stopping me and keeping me in this dead end.

But now I have to be brave. I know it will pain my father the most, but I have to be brave and move on alone for my children.

For how long must I endure the pain of being called malas or sumpa and the pain of my kids and I being referred to as lahi ng demonyo? Five months and a book…still five months more and a book in the process…but I’m counting and I’m finishing the book.

From then on I will be the queen of my realm, one which my children will learn to appreciate for it will be a realm from that of my love, my time, my perspiration – my whole being – for the future I alone owe my children and I alone can give them.

Welcome the -ber months!

Something from the old baul also :)

Have you noticed how the Philippines have the longest Christmas celebration in the whole world? We start celebrating Christmas on September and even extend it until January. You may try dropping by some malls on the first week of September and you’ll probably see some Christmas decors in the market already. Christmas songs will be hitting the radios and the Christmas countdown will start.

Many foreigners find this quirky, but let’s not care much about what they say, what matters is that Christmas is in the heart of every Filipino not only in December.

So let’s welcome the –ber months and have a good start for Christmas 2005. What best way to start the season right but by doing our Christmas list. It’s the best time to start listing and budgeting for the season because with the –ber months here expect packed malls, busy streets and the unstoppable price hikes.

Here are a few tips on how we can plan ahead and avoid having empty pockets come next year…

Make a Christmas list…
Start by listing all the people you want to give presents to this coming Christmas. Make it a long list…it’s easier to cut down on a list than to realize later that you forgot someone.

Look at your budget…
Most people will wait for their thirteen-month pay to start shopping. The problem with this is that you’ll end up buying items that are double their price. Try to consider that this season is the best way to bring prices up because everyone will be shopping at these times. So, it’s better to budget the money that will come in from this month onwards.

Set aside the amount you will need for your bills and everyday needs. From the remaining money every month you may start buying some of the gifts in your list and other Christmas item you may need like trimmings.
You’ll see how lighter you’ll feel when December comes and you’re gifts are complete and the only task left to do is to wrap them. Your thirteen-month pay will serve best for food on Christmas and New Year’s Eve.
Remember that budgeting is very important. Your gifts may really depend on you budget.

Choosing the gifts…
Now that you have a list and have thought of how you would budget your money, write your target gift beside the name of each person in your list. You may want to ask some of them for their wish list…but then again it all depends on your budget…they might put a way expensive item in their list and you’ll just end up saying “o shucks I’m short”.

So after you identified the gifts, go store hopping and try to see if you can get better deals on the items. If you start early, you’ll surely get better deals.
After canvassing, re-assess you list…are you going to overshoot with this list? If not, then you can start buying the items one at a time.

If you think you will overshoot, your option is to cut down the list or change the gifts to cheaper but still good ones (I recommend the second one though).

Gifts need not be expensive they simply need to come from the heart. In fact, you need not actually buy all the gifts. You can probably just make some of them like candles, beaded bracelets, cards and other handicrafts. If you have more time to spare, this is a really good time to spend it. Personalized gifts are always better and more heart warming.

As for the decors…
Come on! Do you really still want to spend on this one? How about digging up on old decorations and cleaning them? That’ll do, besides the holidays is not about decors, it’s about love and unity and the family spending some quality time together.

You can probably stick to that old Christmas tree and trimmings. Just check the old Christmas lights, if they’re still working, then use them, if not well you can buy one…but try not to buy so much… think about the PPA.

You can be earth friendly this season too. Try recycling for a change. I saw one lantern last year in a place in Pasay City, a few years back which was made of plastic coke bottles and another one in a school in the same place, made out of crumpled newspaper and varnished to shine…now that’s recycling!

Now the food…
What you will put on your table on Christmas and New Year’s Eve is important but need not be overwhelming. You don’t want lots of leftovers afterwards.
Just make a list of how many people will be eating at the house on those occasions and start planning the meals. List down how many kind of food and how much of each kind you need to serve. Again, consider the budget.

Put in mind that December is only the last month of the year, but it’s not the end of life. You still have January and the following months to look on to and it’s not very pleasing to start the next year with zero or negative balance, so plan ahead and stick to the budget. You can save on time and money doing this. Besides, you have three –ber months to prepare until December…so happy planning and happy holidays!

Keep the children moving

My daughter has always been fat, but it didn’t bother me much until I realized that I have been buying her clothes too often because she easily outgrows them. The fact that at the age of 7 she is a size 14 added to my worry. I had to go to the teens department instead of the children’s just to buy her clothes. We sometimes even share shirts.

Though her pediatrician assured me that she is not obese, he still stressed on the fact that she is at risk of being one.

I started watching her habits and I noticed that she do love to eat but in minimal amount. She doesn’t eat big meals, she prefer small snacks between small meals. I said to myself, it is not the meal that makes her fat, because I know lots of kids who eat more than her but are not big.

Then I noticed her favorite passtime and thought to myslef that I had hit the target.

My daughter is a TV buff who could stay in front of the boob for hours not minding if the show has been played over and over again. She tries to do other activities while watching, but these would be activities that would enable her to still stay in front of the TV.

I read in a magazine once that children who spend long hours watching TV tend to have little time to do physical activities. This results to slower metabolism and the build up of fats.

Indeed, my daughter doesn’t play much anymore. I remembered when I enrolled her in swimming class, she wasn’t that big then. But after that summer, even with the school starting already, she gained weight at a high rate.

Childhood obesity has become a global problem as said in TIME magazine’s August 2003 issue. The Philippines was mentioned as one of the countries to have an increasing rate of childhood obesity.
While obesity could be hereditary I still agree with the experts in saying that lack of physical activities has a great contribution.

Technology has a great deal to do with this. Now more children prefer to sit in front of the computers to play instead of grabbing a ball and shooting baskets. Many kids prefer riding those big battery operated cars/motorcycles instead of bicycles.

This is not to say that we have to stop our children from using these hi-tech toys, but we should let them sweat sometimes. We have to keep the children moving.

A FEW SUGGESTIONS!

Childrens’ attitude towards physical activities would contribute a great deal to their doing it. They have to enjoy it to appreciate it. They to have to have confidence also to go through with it. Parent’s ought to encourage children to be involved in physical activies and sometimes it is good if we involve ourselves in their activities as well. So here are some tips on how kids would sweat…

· After they arrive from school and have rested, let them play with other children. If there are no other children in the house take some time to play with them.

· Enroll them in a sports class. This way they will be able to meet other kids and share interests with them and eventually enjoy attending the class.

· Let them walk from time to time. Go out on weekends and take a walk. Bring them to the mall or better yet to the park for a fresher air too.

A thousand fall...a million moving on

How many failures and disappointments does a person have to endure before he feels fulfilled?

I’ve made a lot of bad choices that later in life I figured out to be intertwined and all involved in my use of too much heart and less mind.

I have been through so many tribulations in my life that I cannot even find one stage in it that has none. From the smallest of mistakes to the greatest of failures…name them…I’ve been through them. But the start of the ‘failure waves’ in my life would be in my freshman year.

I didn’t really want to be in UPLB primarily because it was so far and the year I would enter college is the year after the famous killing of two students there. But, I wanted to be a UP student, who wouldn’t? It’s just that, Los Baños is just too far from home.

But my brother was taking up medicine and my sister, dentistry and the school I wanted had a highfaluting tuition fee and a lifestyle way beyond me. Insisting what I want would make things really difficult for my dad. Besides, he dreams of having a child in UP just like him, so I headed off to UPLB.

The entrance to UPLB had Independence written all over it and it was something I was excited about…yet fearful of.

College won’t be that bad, I thought. Little did I know that the talent I learned in my elementary days, the strength that I earned in high school, the Catholic doctrine and faith pounded into me by my mom, everything that carved my personality in the previous years of life was to be tested from the day I set foot in that campus.

I was to start the recreation of myself.

I was a freshman in a new world with a different culture. I got exposed to so many things and so many kinds of people.

I got into a relationship too early in the year. But this being the first real relationship I was in, the guy being the first guy in my life other than my brothers and my dad just made it too overwhelming. I gave everything to the relationship, my heart, my mind…my body. It became serious, too serious that I ended up in very big trouble.

Before the end of my freshman year, I got pregnant. I formulated lots of plans – from A to D. From the smallest thing that I would do to the biggest decision this situation would take. But nowhere in these plans did I include aborting the child…I was different then.

I didn’t realize that it’s been 4 months and I have been through summer class, and had already enrolled for the first semester of my sophomore year…still no one knew of my condition, not even my boyfriend.

But my body was giving me away. I had series of migraine attacks. Not ordinary headaches but head splitting pains. I was getting thinner, my eyes were surrounded with dark shadows…I was ill.

My father got frightened that they filed for my leave of absence from school thinking that I was so ill to attend classes.

I was at home already, but still I didn’t speak of my condition, no, I wasn’t afraid, I was trying to find the right time and it was taking longer. A month passed and now, it’s my conscience that’s giving me away. I was having nightmares and the last one was my wake up call…

I was in a foggy and cold room. A tall, lean man was up ahead sitting on a big chair. He was cradling a baby in one of his arms He forced a smile at me and motioned for me to come closer, so I did. Up close, I still couldn’t make out his face, there were eyes, nose, mouth, it was complete, but I can’t seem to recognize him. Then he spoke in a sad low voice “bakit hindi mo tanggapin ang regalo ko sayo?”

I was crying and shaking, then I realized my mom was waking me up asking me why I was crying…that was it…I had to spill it out. One deep breath and I told her my dream and then my condition.

She cried so hard…the cry that sounded like she had lost all hope…a desperate plea to God asking what she has done wrong…I sat still all the while.

Too afraid to inflict even more hurt on my parents, I agreed to get married when my boyfriend arrived in our home with his family to settle the matter. A month after, I was a wife to boy who I trust would become a man soon.

My father wanting badly for both my husband and I to earn a degree for our child allowed my husband to go back to school while I stayed at home waiting for my term. Trying to be good and obedient children, we abided by what our parents said.

Six months after I gave birth, I also went back to the university, shifted to a different course and continued my education. My husband and I rented an apartment and we would go back to Manila on weekends…the only time we see our child.

It was hard, living on our own, with too much temptation around and seeing our child only on weekends. We tried to get used to the situation and adjust to it to make the best of it…but the situation got the better of us.

We started to live our lives like we were ordinary teenage pals living under the same roof and him coming home only when he wanted to. The house became the hangout of our friends who would come in and out or even stay overnight, taking away much of our privacy.

We started to enjoy our freedom from the family responsibilities too much that our relationship started to go down the drain!

Allowing too many people in our lives endangered us and brought us to a bumpy road that seemed to have no escape. He got tired of my out of this world hospitality to our friends and I got tired of the numerous infidelity issues about him. After four year of fighting, misunderstandings and selfish intentions, we got separated. I found out more about his infidelities and he got tired of my guts.

In one year I started to work part-time and study to make up for all that pain I’ve caused my family and my child. I wanted to prove to them that I can make it on my own.

Then, the wind took a different direction and blew him back. In as much as I wanted to hold on to my pride, I wanted my child happy and it was his father’s reappearance that brought twinkle to her eyes.

We agreed to get together again and after two years I got pregnant with my second child. Halfway in my pregnancy, another woman came into the picture. Though it pains me to get separated again with my husband, I feared staying with him even more. A month after I gave birth we separated again.

Again I struggled to keep my family happy by doing things the way they wanted things to happen. I worked for my family. My parents expressed their fear of me remarrying if I work for other companies. I was tied down to serving my family.

But my heart and mind was fighting. It was too late in my lifetime to rebel but it was then that I did it. Being tied down to something that’s a dead end built so much anger inside of me. There’s no moving up in this company, I shouldn’t be here, it was bugging me. All the frustrations made me feel worthless for my kids. I felt like my kids would think that I’m a puppet with no identity. I had to make a move, do something for myself to take off all the anger growing in me, lest I will end up losing.

I have to secure my kids and make sure I can care for them even if time would take away the people that are helping me at the moment. I have to prepare myself and be independent whether they like it or not.

My parents being the protective but loving parents that they are allowed me a little freedom. While not being able to leave the family business still pained me so much, I had the consolation of at least doing something that I knew brought a smile on my child’s face. She was proud that I was singing and writing…but it was only for a while.

Just when I thought things are going to be fine for us, I got side tracked from my plans. I had to again inflict myself with pain far greater than the previous ones. I got into a relationship…I fell in love and fell in the abyss!

Most people believe that it was libido that drove us into this relationship. They would not, in any way put themselves to believe that truly I did fell in love. I was too old for it so they claim…but no…I was still young…it just was not right…he was a family man and I, still legally married.

But it happened and resulted to another pregnancy. I was different before, as I’ve said earlier, for this time I did took into consideration aborting the baby. If I was too strong and brave in the earlier part of my life…I was weak and afraid this time.

But God has his ways of saving the innocent, if in my first bearing he used my dreams, now he used our weakness to save the child. He made us even more careless and made sure we slip, for once it happened, the baby was safe…no one touched the child when the issue exploded.

Of course, this is but once again a condition brought about by my use of too much heart and less mind. A situation which brings pain to the small angels that I have in my room, something that made me a failure again, but pushed me to move on, a puzzle that only acceptance can solve - a gift that only God can give.

It didn’t take me long to decide on what I will do. I didn’t have the luxury of sulking for I have to be strong for my children. I had to move on and pray that I be allowed to move on. This is just another hurdle, and like most hurdles in my life, I will overcome this one.

I have made a lot of bad choices. I have disappointed a lot of people and much more myself. I have failed so many times and had been frustrated. But if I were to be given another chance to go back and change my life, I wouldn’t change a thing. For whichever road I take, failure and pain is bound to come my way, it will just be in a different package. I have asked for forgiveness for all that I’ve done, still I do not regret a thing of my past for it was laid to me for a reason - learning. My past made me who I am today, no matter how people perceive my personality I have become a human being who can love and live.

Frankly, counting your disappointments, failures and frustrations is a trap. They never come to an end. You have to be dead to not experience them. Better count how many times you stood up, fought and moved on because it is there that you will find fulfillment.

When life is in limbo

I guess I am indeed stubborn. I go do as I please and this often leads me to my own destruction. I have entered once more the vicious cycle that took me years to escape and all because I let my guards down. Now, once more, my life’s in limbo!

Too late for apologies, too late for crying, the damage has been done and there’s nothing left to do but to move on. This is what I kept telling myself weeks before.

When you hurt people, you ought to apologize. You might be the kind of person who appears to have no remorse of what he’s done but still, asking for forgiveness is a person’s responsibility to his loved ones, to the people he hurt and to himself.

But don’t expect to be forgiven at an instant. This is what I’ve learned. You may have asked for forgiveness, but being forgiven is not easy so don’t push your luck too much.

A priest once told me that if apologies are a person’s responsibility, so is forgiveness, but in both of these responsibilities come sincerity, it cannot be forced out of anyone.

If you have apologized sincerely and have been forgiven, thank the Lord for the person’s compassion. If you have apologized sincerely and but was given a mere shrug, thank the Lord still, for the person is human like you.

Bear in mind that you have apologized, you took the first step and the next step is to prove that you are sincere and this goes with action. Only then will you earn forgiveness.

So, this is where my life is at the moment, trapped in a world of pain and sorrow. A world I have unfortunately…accidentally created for myself, out of mindlessness…out of carelessness…out of love…a world where forgiveness is now nowhere in sight.

I guess it’s all too fresh for me to share, but it’s something I have to slowly face. Revelation is a part of life that one has to be ready for, lest he will not have salvation. Confession is a therapy and a therapy is something you undergo for a long period of time, and if you don’t take the first step, you’ll never reach the end.

This latest tribulation created a hole in my personality. Something I never thought would ever happen again in my life. But history has its way of repeating itself to show people what they’ve missed out on.

Indeed, I’ve missed out on a lot of things. More importantly, I missed out on lessons that I have learned over my last journey. They simply slipped off my body and left me empty once more to absorb another crisis…a new crisis which seems to be a dead end.

I was too close to giving up. I have never seen myself giving up on anything, not even when I had a crisis a few years back. But this one is enough to drag my sanity out of my body. I have to hold on to something, I have to find a stable “something or anything” in me that will hold me down and keep me standing.

Days passed…weeks…and still the hole keeps on growing…getting deeper…creating something more like an abyss. In the middle of this chaotic world that I’ve once more created I felt nothing but fear. Fear that I have lost this battle. I couldn’t accept it! I have never lost a battle in my life and I will not let it happen now.

There were no more answers outside of me. I realized that I cannot reach out anymore for I have bound my hand too close to my body when I created this world.

In the darkness of soul I’ve created a wall to separate me from reality. With an impure heart I have painted a world full of pretense. Yet still, in all these barriers I struggled to search inside. Wishing that there’s something left inside that would give me hope. And there, in the dark soul and impure heart I came across forgiveness. The last piece left for me.

I went from hurt to plain miserable, I was trapped, I couldn’t let go and could not move on and the answer I found was because in the course of all the apologizing that I have made to the people I’ve hurt, I forgot to apologize to the most important person of all, the one person trapped in the middle of this crisis…me!

I haven’t forgiven myself for letting my guards down, for searching for love and acceptance in the most unlikely places, for hurting the only people who have been willing to die to protect me, for neglecting the souls that I have vowed to care for, for loving and for getting hurt.

I am about to jump over my next hurdle, the struggle to find forgiveness for myself.

If in my previous victories I have done it because of the cheering crowd all around me. This time, I have to do it alone and prove to the world that I can reach the end of the line and raise my own flag and be able to claim again my person…the one I’ve lost a year ago.

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When kids are too tired

It’s freaky how parents’ tendency nowadays is to over-schedule their pre-schoolers or elementary kids. There are those who tend to give children one activity after another. Some even pressure their children to study for 2 or more hours after school or have them enrolled in programs which they think would help them get admitted in top-ranking schools.

But have you noticed the children lately, they cry over things they don’t usually cry about. They have sleepless nights even if they complain of a tiresome day, they even complain of headaches now which is not likely for kids unless they have fever.

All these structured, routine activities are stressing them out instead of helping them learn. School in itself is stressful and adding more after school activities is just adding up to their stress.

Instead of learning, children often become easily frustrated. I tried observing some children even my own girl and they try so hard to satisfy their parents. Even if sometimes they are just to tired to do things, they will still work just to make their parents proud and if their parent’s get disappointed the children gets frustrated and irritated and would cry silently.

We often react to this with anger, harsh words, and explanations of why they should do this and why they should prepare for a better tomorrow. But children these young don’t really understand why, and maybe they just need a time out.

Have you tried looking back at your own childhood? Comparing how you spent your days then, playing after school, sitting in the park just resting, running around with the other children and daydreaming. That is childhood, it’s all about playing, dreaming and discovering news things. This is how a person learns the realities of the world, by experiencing it, not by reading it in a book. We adults are very lucky to have experienced. Kids now would come home, have a drink of water and hit their books at their parents’ command. It’s all too sad how they have no more time to play, interact with people and dream.

Carleton Kendrick Ed.M., LSCW said in and article on over schedule kids that “ kids whose lives are so tightly structured and schedules are not learning how to feel comfortable on their own, alone with their imagination, free to pursue their natural curiosities and sense of wonder, encouraged to become resourceful, self-reliant.”

We always want our children to be productive and we give them structured routine activities. What we don’t realize is that with playing they are productive, they exercise their imagination and they learn.

There have been researches supporting the theory that it is important for children to do self-initiated, unstructured play or work to allow them to develop their neurological and cognitive growth.

Sure the world is moving at a fast pace but childhood is childhood and it shouldn’t be stolen from children.

Go to kyo's website

Thank you Miss Laura

My daughter came home that day and said “Mama hindi mo na talaga ako ibibili ng cel phone kasi 68 ako sa exam sa WKP” (Wika at Kulturang Pilino). That wasn’t new to me, yet I still felt bad.

We have been having that problem in the same subject since last school year. I was wondering though, after all the Filipino books that I have bought for her to read, how come the problem’s still there?

She has always been good in English. I was even asked one time by her preschool teacher if we communicate in English at home. No, our medium at home is Filipino, which made me wonder even more why she’s having a hard time comprehending the language.

Like most mothers I’ve encountered having the same situation, I wasn’t happy with her grade. That couldn’t be right. We are Filipinos and this is our language, she should do well in this subject. I would have understood if the subject had been Science or Math…but Filipino hay.

I started searching for who or what to blame. I thought it was because of too much TV. She loves watching TV but she never appreciated the Tagalog shows or even the Tagalized cartoons. She only watches Disney Channel and Cartoon Network which would probably explain her English comprehension.

I even went as far as blaming some of her English speaking friends, which I later realized to be a stupid reason because she doesn’t see these children anymore since they have parted ways after preschool.

The blaming went on and on until her report card day. Attached to her report card was a note from her adviser saying please see WKP teacher Ms. Laura. I went to her station and had to wait for a parent before me to finish her consultation with the same teacher.

Finally I was face to face with Ms. Laura. I introduced myself and shook her hand. She greeted me with a sweet smile. She was a very nice woman of around 40 years old.

She looked in her records and read to me my daughters class standing. She then explained shy I was asked to speak to her…it was then that she shared to me a little about herself.

She is an old maid, but unlike most women in her situation, she was blessed to have been a mentor and in effect also a pseudo mother to her niece and nephews whom she took care of until their college days.

I liked the way she spoke, she was not judging. It was clear in her eyes how sincere she is in wanting to help her students and also their parents.

She told me how she spent time with her niece and nephews not to force them to study their lessons but to give them time to draw, play the guitar or do what ever interests them. She did this simply to boost their self esteem. She focused more on their talents and strengths rather than their weaknesses. This way, she said, they would be confident to face the real world.

After that very long but enlightening talk (which resulted to a long line of parents behind me, waiting for their turn to talk to her), I went home with a lighter feeling. I realized how hard it was for my daughter having a mother with high expectations.

How easily I forgot my beliefs when I was younger. I used to believe that it is not your grades which would put you to the top. It’s your faith and your confidence in yourself. It’s your passion for what you do.

I have encountered a lot of people who succeeded in life not because they got high marks but because they are confident that they could make it.I was focusing on the wrong thing. I was so absorbed with the idea that my daughter failed the exam (her grade in the report card though is passing) that she is not good in that subject.

Then I realized that I was not feeling bad about her standing because she’s being affected by it, but more because I couldn’t accept it. I, being used to not having any line of seven in my elementary days, could not accept that my daughter had a 79 in her card.

That conversation with her teacher made me see that I was wrong in that area. I shouldn’t compare her to me or to anyone else because she is her own person. Her academic standing will affect her personality by only a small degree as compared to the low self esteem that my disappointment had made her feel.

My concerns should have been how to boost her confidence even if she is having a hard time with her Filipino subjects. I should be praising her on the good grades she got on her other subjects and not showing her my disappointment on that one area.

I have always known what she’s good at but still I dwelled on what she was weak at.What Ms. Laura said was true. If I help my daughter develop her strengths, her confidence will grow. Even if she isn’t that good in her academics, she knows that she’s better than the rest in other things.

Curious how many mothers tend to forget that they do not exist merely to provide for the children but more to be a friend to them. I realized that I as a mother should be a friend to my daughter the way my mother was a friend to me. I should teach her not just her lessons (which she’s probably having enough of in school) but more of life.

I started to accept my daughter’s fate. She is what she wants to be for herself and not what I want her to be. I am here simply to guide her and not to push her. My role as a mother is to love her for what she is and not for what I want her to be.

I guess I have her WKP grade to thank, ‘coz had it not happened, I wouldn’t have been able to talk to her wonderful teacher Ms. Laura and be enlightened by her wisdom

Clipping their wings of letting them fly

I remember the first time my daughter stepped into a classroom that was in a small pre-school beside the church in our town. I thought we would never make it inside the room that day because the parents who were picking up children from an earlier class and those bringing their children in for the next class were crowding at the entrance. Even the kids couldn’t make their way through the crowd. I then wondered, “what’s this anyway, the first day of classes or parents’ orientation?”

At last the children from the earlier period were all gone and the one and only teacher that the school had, was ready to start the next class…or so I thought!

She didn’t start the class with a ‘good morning children,’ but rather with ‘would the parents please step out!’ I almost laughed as I peeked through the window to check on what’s happening, some parents were actually seated inside the classroom beside their child. The small chairs almost gave way to their bulky built. As the teacher called on their attention, some did stand up while some stayed because their children were all whining. I left as soon as I saw my daughter talking to a classmate and just enjoying herself.

When I came back to pick up my daughter, the same scenario met me at the entrance. Some parents were checking if their child finished their food as if not being witness to the recess. There was this one who really caught my attention, she got really mad at a parent whose shoulder bag slightly hit the head of her son.

This scenario went on until the middle of the year. Sometimes when I would pick up my daughter early I would find parents who were there since the start of the period and are waiting for classes to end, some would call their kids during recess to feed them and yes there were still parents inside the room.

The latter really freaked out the teacher and when she finally got fed up she talked to the parents of those children and on the next half of the school year, I learned that the children were pulled out of the school, the teacher simply said “the kids and their parents are not ready for preschool” and to the remaining parents she said “don’t be overprotective of your children, nothing bad will happen to them here in school”

Over-protectiveness, a typical mistake parents make and I guess everyone’s guilty of this. A friend ones told me, over-protectiveness is different from being excited. Some of the parents of preschoolers are just so excited that they tend to be very fussy about things. On the other hand, there is still this familiar scene that you would find in schools all throughout the year that,I even as a parent do not understand.

Grace Shangkuan Koo, Ph.D. mentioned in her column some interesting ones “the yaya or mother wiping and drying the back of a child. The protective guardian pours baby powder on the kid and frantically fans her "suffering" angel. Some parents carry school bags for their kids when the youngsters are perfectly capable of hauling their own load. You see these poor parents seated on the kiddy chairs after dismissal, copying assignments or notes for their kids.”

Being protective is probably a natural reaction from parents especially with the harsh environment that children are exposed to now, but then again, there is always too much of something.

Over-protectiveness is a totally different story and Dr. Koo says “parents who protect their kids from taking the consequences of their action or lack of it may raise spoiled, dependent, irresponsible children."

A friend of mine who happened to be a teacher in elementary told me that “too many well-meaning parents may prevent a skinned knee or even a broken arm by being overly protective physically, but in the process they may exert undue influence and diminish the feelings of self-reliance and self-control.”

I remember having a classmate in elementary whose mom would stay all day in school watching him, spoon-feeding him and wiping his back. This went on until grade six and I could see his embarrassment but he just couldn’t do anything. This made him really insecure and though he had some friends, he would choose to stay quiet so that the older kids would not notice him and tease him.

Every one of us at one point in our kiddy lives would have prayed for our parents to lay off our backs and this is probably what our children are thinking of right now. A kid as young as four can already feel bound and trapped by over-protectiveness. My daughter would sometimes tell me “i can do this mom!" and of course I know that she really can do it but I would be too afraid of her being hurt.“

Overprotective parents unintentionally send out a message to their children that they are incapable of handling things by themselves. In addition, the parents’ fears transmit themselves to the children who, in turn, begin to perceive dangers lurking in every new activity and experience.” This is what experts from Indiaparenting.com say about overprotective parents.

They added that “when a child does something on her own for the first time, it is a great accomplishment, even if it is something as insignificant as learning to ride a bicycle. Parents who wrap their children in cotton wool, in a manner of speaking, are denying their children this pleasure.”

There are just so many reasons why a parent would become over-protective. Some parents easily feel afraid and guilty even if there is really no reason to feel it. Our fear of what would happen to our children and our quilt that we got mad at them often pushes us to have overprotective feelings.

Other parents become overprotective of a child who has had a serious illness or accident because they feel that this child is vulnerable. But instead of helping these children to strive to be stronger, they are weakened even more by the thought that someone’s just there to take care of them.

It can be very hard to know what is an appropriate level of protectiveness and what is overprotective. What is most important is that we are aware of this issue and try, whenever possible, to allow our child to deal with the challenges and problems that she is ready to deal with.

Open communication, listen to and trust the children, these would be very effective tools. One thing I learned throughout the years is that children would say honestly what they can and cannot do. They know when to ask for help and when not to.

Of course we parents will often, if not always, know what is best for our children and we would still decide what’s permissible and not but we ought to be careful that the need to protect the children from certain specific dangers doesn't turn into a habit of over-protectiveness in general. At the end of the day, it is still the wings of our children that we are controlling, we either clip it or we let it go for them to soar.

What I used to be

I answered the phone late that Wednesday night and a shaky voice from the other end of the reciever let out an unrecognizable hello. So I said a louder hello with the hope that the caller would speak louder.

With now a louder hello from the other end, I recognized who was calling, it was my college friend, so I said o bakit?

She started talking fast and furious. Between her angry words she let out sighs and one or two ay naku talaga nakakainis, before starting with another complain.

Over and over again she kept saying how she hated being told what to do, especially when it comes to raising her child. Bakit ba tingin nila sa akin ang tanga tanga ko at hindi ko alam ang ginagawa ko?!

She was telling me about a recent argument she had with her mom about her three year old daughter. But I couldn’t get clearly everything that she was saying, I was simply so tired and sleepy. Then she said, Ba’t ba ayaw nila ko pabayaan diskartehan ang buhay ko? Then there was sobbing from her end.

She was probably waiting for me to say something…anything. But I couldn’t speak. With her last words I felt like I could almost hear my old self talking to me, the one I’ve set aside sometime ago.

As a mother at 18, I also went through that dilemma. The misery of enduring the endless nagging of adults around you. All of them telling you what to do with your life and how to raise your children.

But I was a proud girl. I have always been the kind of person who would try to do things alone. I was not a team player, both in school and in life. I wouldn’t say that it was what brought me astray, but it somehow contributed. In my endeavor to be independent of my family, I found myself walking the wrong path.

When you’re a young mother, choices become screwed up. You would want to do things all at the same time. In my case, I wanted to continue my education so as to earn a degree and later get a high rated job. Yet, I also wanted to get a job at that instant, so that I will not have to ask for financial assistance from my parents. At the same time, I wanted to be always beside my child because I’m starting to feel guilty of not being there most of the time, but then again, I have to go to school. I also want to move out of our house and live on my own…endless wants with the aim of showing the world that I am good and I can do this without any help from others even if I’m young. My obsession to prove other people wrong about what they think of me got the best of me.

I started neglecting a lot of things and people, even my daughter. I couldn’t focus and so I couldn’t achieve anything. I had no back-up plans. I would cry of anger when things go wrong and blame every person whom I feel had anything to do with my mistake, except myself.

It had to take my daughter’s childhood pains, brought by my own proud and childish decisions, to make me realize that I needed help. I love my family too much that I wanted to do the best for them. But I realized later that I am not giving them the best because I don’t know anything…I don’t know how and where to take off.

My mom was right, I was a fledgeling, and I needed someone to teach me to fly, someone who knows how to, of course.

I have heard myself countless times saying the same words that I am hearing now from my friend, only to realize later on that I was given the time of my life, to be free, to fly, but I crash landed -- I got pregnant at 18.

After seeing what my child had gone through in those five years that I was so busy trying to be a better person for the wrong reasons, I gave my life plan some thoughts. What was I doing? Are these what I should really be doing? What am I five to ten years from now? And the answers I got were a lot of I don’t knows.

I wasn’t sure of anything…of what to do. Things have got to change and this pounded in my head.

In a heart to heart talk with my mom she told me that I am not weak, in fact I am strong. But my strength blinds me and pushes me to the wrong direction. It creates vengeance in my heart which shouldn’t be the way. I needed guidance to put my strength in good use.

I was very wrong in thinking that these people who are nagging me are trying to take over my life, ‘coz they weren’t. What they were doing was honing me, channeling my strength to the right maternal path.

I later realized, I was very fortunate because I managed to get out of all the pains and sorrows that went my way. I owe this management skills to the constant nagging of adults around. I was able to fly high after all those crashes.

If there’s one thing I regret, it would be not realizing my incapabilities sooner. Now, I have to go through trouble shooting all the negative effects that my childish views had brought.

That’s life, I have to reap what I sow. But I know that I can still do something about everything as long as I’m alive. The beauty of life is in second chances.

And so I asked my friend Ano ba ginagawa mo? Ano ba ang dapat mo gawin? Pano mo nakikita sarili mo five or ten years from now?

She gave me my old self’s answer to the same questions…ewan ko.

And I didn’t say any more.

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Apprenticeship of being a young mother

While I was rummaging through my things recently, I came across an article that my husband wrote for his project in one of his subjects back in college. The title was Apprenticeship of being a father. It was basically about the things he went through after we got married at an early age. It was about how he, as a young father, was bound to the sudden changes in his life, lost his freedom, tried so hard to cope with the changes and eventually realized that his life turned into an “endless fast-changing scenes of attitude and behavior,” and that not even he knew who he is and what he want.

My husband has been gone for three months now. He is back in his little room in their house in Pasay City. This is the second time he left, for the same reason, with different people involved. But the pain this second time is far greater than the first, for I thought when he came back two years ago things would be different.

Looking back at the early part of our marriage, I saw that I have tried so hard to prove wrong the people’s theory that an early marriage is bound to break up. I got married at 18, for reasons that most people then find to be enough to get married…early pregnancy.

It was bound to end bitterly for we were too young, this was what I was told. I fought so hard to keep my family together but it was all in vain.

In all those times that I was forced to immerse in the world of motherhood, my husband was having a crisis. He sulked in selfishly, hid all his feelings and our usual communication was lost. It was then that I realized that I was starting to know less of him instead of more. I wanted to reach out to him but he was blocking me out. Until he found happiness in the arms of another and left.

In the one year that he was gone, I searched myself. Like most people, I passed the stage of denial, then the stage of blaming myself for what happened, finally reaching acceptance that blame shouldn’t be dwelled on instead I should work and plan my life for my child, whom, no matter how hard I try to protect the innocence of was forced by the situation to mature. It was for her that I cried, I cursed, I awakened and became strong.

I realized that I worked on the relationship for the wrong reason. I was keeping it together because I wanted to prove something when I should be keeping it together solely because of love. I loved them of course, but my drive was more of pride than of love. In only a year, I changed, hoping that my child would see the good in me, the love and not the pride. All I was thinking then was to give her a good life. The thought of resurrecting the family was far from my mind for at that point I felt everything was over and I was meant to be a single mom.

Alas! I was given another chance, my husband came back. I saw the joy in my daughter’s eyes and even if I wanted to use my pride, I couldn’t for in that one year, it was only that moment that she saw her father that I saw true joy in her.

That was my chance to love even more and lessen my pride. I rebuilt my trust when I saw changes in him. But everything was in vain again for after two years, I unexpectedly saw him in greater light. He hasn’t overcome his crisis and in that one year that he was away, he never had a chance to search himself.

We went back to square one and I felt my life becoming the life he knew, with everything becoming an endless fast-changing scene of attitudes and behaviors. But unlike him who felt that he didn’t really knew who he was and what he wanted, in our sullen situation my role and my reasons became clear. I had to be ready for good and bad things to come.

In June he left, after more than a month of lies and pretentions. He left, for the same reason but with a different person involved. Again I endured the pain of being left, of being called tanga by the people around me, but the most painful of all was that my second child who was less than a month old would never have a chance to get to know him and my eldest will have to go through the same situation all over again. It was for them that I again cried, but this time I didn’t curse, for I found myself to be stronger, now I have planned my life better.

It has only been three months and everything seems to be slowly falling in place without effort. While the pain this time is greater, the acceptance came sooner. I wouldn’t deny that I feel angered by the situation, but this time I can handle the feelings. This time I do not feel alone even if I have less people around me. Even if I feel that there are still lies lurking around me, it doesn’t bother me anymore. These feelings I owe all to love, of my family and my daughter, they are the reason I think clearly. Now I curse not, instead I pray, no longer for his return but for his happiness.

Looking back at all of the things that have happened, everything is clear except for one. How could he (if not all men) think of his life as a young father to be very difficult, to be freedomless, to be exhausting without considering that I (like all women) as a person and not just as a woman is having the same crisis as he is? The dilemma of men does not differ to that of women, they only have different ways of dealing with it.

I was also bound to the sudden changes in my life, lost my freedom, tried so hard to cope with the changes, but I know who I am and what I want. And if in the apprenticeship of being a father many men fail, I, like most women, would pass with flying colors in the apprenticeship of being a mother.

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