We do accept the love we deserve

When I was younger I used to wonder why some people pick the wrong person to be their partner. I am most especially concerned with the many intelligent and successful women that I know who always fall for the 'wrong guy.' Well, this was before I had my fair share of unhealthy relationships.

After my failed relationships, I stopped wondering about wrong decisions that most people do when it comes to choosing partners. I guess I felt that I myself made wrong choices so why fuss about it. Besides, I realized that we only start to perceive that a relationship is wrong once we get hurt, but while we're in it, we always think that it's the best thing that has happened to us. So, I realized I should stop caring about this issue.

But then I saw the movie "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" where a very interesting line was thrown by one of the characters. "We accept the love we think we deserve."

…do we really?

After countless nights (I'm serious, I couldn't count it) of being in deep thoughts about this, it dawned on me. Yes, we actually do. Why else did the phrase "too good to be true" came into existence if not for the doubting that we have towards the love that we deserve.

We perceive people who are actually good to us as 'too good to be true'  and we often question why they are so good. We become too overwhelmed that in the process the relationship becomes bad because the other party freaks out from too much insecurities we exude. We then end up singing 'The One That Got Away!"

It's just weird that we drive good people away from us and we stick with people who treat us badly. Worse we justify the bad treatment as something we provoked thus we deserve.  It's like saying 'I am bad, so I deserve to be punished.'

I remember a friend of mine whose husband is in constant illicit affairs. My friend would always say "Oh, it's my fault, I'm always busy and I have no time for him."

What's with that? Nothing ever justifies infidelity. I am not judging people who goes into illicit relationships. Trust me, I've had my fair share of this too. I wasn't the one doing the 'two-timing'  but I was the third party (bad just the same). It's not a good story but it happened. This is probably why I am brave in saying that nothing justifies it. I was wrong when I did it and I am not putting the blame on anyone.  I did learn one big lesson from it: If you're not happy in  a relationship anymore and you feel like there's no way to save it, get out of the relationship first before entering another one. This saves everyone from greater pain.

Anyway, the point is, if we think that we are not worthy of being loved, then we could not maximize our potential to be loved that is because we would only expose ourselves to people we THINK will get us. We go to places where we BELIEVE we fit and thereby meet people we SUPPOSE we deserve to be relating with.

Some of us would fall for the first guy who says we are pretty and who would give us gifts because we think we deserve being told we are pretty and being given gifts. Some of us would fall for the guy who would undermine our personality because we believe our personality is too strong that we feel other guys are intimidated by us. Some of us would fall for the caring guy who would not let us lift a finger because we believe this is what we deserve.

This is a matter of self-concept --what you think of yourself is how other people will see you; and law of attraction--like attracts like.

Simply, we are in control of the relationships that we make. It is just a matter of how we see ourselves in that relationship. No one really chooses the 'wrong partner' it's just what people who are looking at a relationship from the outside thinks. But the danger here is most of us listen to what other people thinks and this often shakes a relationship.

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