The world does not revolve around us

Yesterday I watched the movie Life Happens. It dealt with a lot of issues: single parenthood, divorce, sex, friendship. This movie is worthy of multiple blogs because it made me reflect on so many things and the first thing being 'sensitivity.'

Sometimes we get so caught up with our problems that we think everything is about us and in the process we ignore the fact that even the people around us have problems too. I've seen a lot of relationships ruined because of this, some were even my own.

I remember telling someone who I felt was demanding so much of my time that the world does not revolve around him. I was hoping that in saying so he would understand that I too had problems of my own that I need to focus on. Well, instead of understanding, he got really mad at me and left. We never talked again.

Of course I was so infuriated but later I realized that if I think he was being insensitive about my situation maybe I was insensitive too about his. I had problems, he had problems, we both had. The problems may not be in the same level of seriousness but are problems just the same. I was selfish to want to be understood when I didn’t even try to understand his situation. It was not the only time that I didn't exercise empathy properly.

Honestly, sometimes we think we want people to understand us, but deep inside what we want is for them to take our side. Understanding us and taking our side are two different things. People can understand us without necessarily taking our side. In the past I would have considered this to be unfair; to know that a person understood me but thinks that I am not worthy to be sided with.  But now, I guess it's a more truthful act. Besides everyone is capable of thinking for themselves, even our friends and family so why force them.

Then there are those who would take our sides without understanding the situation. I used to be so happy about this, then I grew up and realized it's very childish. I also noticed that those who took my side later on blamed me for involving them in some of my issues and for causing them to be in conflict with certain people. Again, very childish.

When I was much younger, I would have called those who took my side as real friends. But as I grew older I slowly recognized real friendship.  A true friend would be someone who would slap us straight in the face with the reality and not sugarcoat it. A true friend will not take our side just easily, instead that friend is going to help us reflect by most likely negating our beliefs until we see things clearly. They would often set aside their problems just to be with us. Unfortunately, some of us would be too selfish and ungrateful to even notice what these true friend just did for us. Shame on us!

I like the idea of stepping into other people's shoes and looking at things from their perspective before giving any reaction. I used to be sloppy at reacting on issues. I would just say out loud what I had in mind without any consultations or reflections. My best friend, though much younger than I am, saw things differently. She does not get angry at people who judge her, instead she would  try to justify their acts by saying "well, they are probably going through something that's why they say such things." At first I thought she knows nothing about life that's why she could say such justifications, but later I realized I was the dumb one. What she was doing actually addresses my most dreaded fear--conflict.

Since I am afraid of being in conflict, what I do now is to get out of my tightly wrapped mind and explore issues from the minds of other people, taking into consideration factors that cause them to see things in a certain way. It was hard to let go of my issues and be sensitive, but is was worth it. I have eradicated the negative vibes that used to always wander around.

The good thing about having an open mind is that we no longer focus on being understood, instead we aim to understand--not natural but very selfless, very sensitive.

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Life Happens is about best friend, Kim and Deena, whose lives would change when Kim gets pregnant. Both would fight hard to keep their relationships and lives as normal as possible. Read more about Life Happens from IMDB 

Source: IMDB.com