In my last blog I
said that the issue of choosing to give up is worthy of another blog. So here
it is...let's talk about choice.
Choice, everything
in life is a choice. Happiness, love, forgiveness, living, all of these are
choices that we make everyday, whether consciously or subconsciously.
So, if we can choose
to live, why would people choose to die?
I will not claim to
be an expert on this matter, but I will instead share to you a choice that I
had to make when I was met with a very big issue--death.
In 2010 I fell sick.
Doctors never found out my illness and in the end they just concluded that it
was chronic fatigue.
I was so sick that I
couldn't stand up. I was bed-ridden for 10 months. My friends, my family,
everyone thought I was going to die. I never thought it...I knew it.
I know I was going
to die, but I was also fully aware that I still had a choice. I could still
live if I choose to because I know that more than anything, it is our brain
that is in control of our whole body. What we think will trigger the
information that our brain cells would send to our whole body. It's a very
simple science.
It was clear to me
back then, but I still couldn't make a choice. Why am I not making the choice?
Why am I allowing my body to fade? I didn't know why, at least until a few
months after I got well.
Honestly, I was
manic depressive that time. It was like all the heartaches and frustrations
that I have gone through over the years finally took its toll and it manifested
physically. I was in great physical pain and at the same time I was having an
unbearable emotional pain. I was sad, I
felt like the whole world has turned its back on me. But in reality, the world
didn't turn its back on me, instead I turned my back to the world. I didn't die
because I have recognized this fact early on so somehow my brain has
unconsciously chose to live. I realized it early, but I didn't act on it
positively.
I chose to be
treated like a baby because I missed the time when I was being cuddled and
hushed whenever I am sad. That time when I was sick was actually an opportunity
for me to feel love again and my family didn't fail me. I chose not to get up
because I was enjoying the attention, and since I was enjoying the attention
given to me while I was in pain, my body responded by giving me even more pain
and putting me into an even more pitiful situation--a near death situation. I
was nearly dying so people around me was giving me more attention; or at least
that was what I thought back then. Later on, after I chose to get up, I
realized that their attention was with me all along, even before I got sick, I
was just too busy to pay attention.
I lasted 10 months
in this condition when most people in the same condition only lasts 2 months
and dies afterwards. That's because they never gave the people around them a
chance or they did not give themselves a chance. They fail to recognize that in
this life, to get what you want, you have to take chances. They further fail to
recognize that in taking chances, there is always the risk of getting hurt.
They chose not to hurt anymore, I on the other hand, chose to be in pain to get
more pity and attention.
But what changed my
mind? Why did I finally choose to get up and walk?
I had an epiphany
after watching a rerun of a documentary by Kara David, a Filipino reporter,
about malnourished kids. There was a 19-year old girl that she featured. I was
filled with pity for the girl, her body was skeleton-like and she couldn't get
up anymore on her own. In all pride I told my nanny (yes I had a nanny)
"At least I don't look like that!" and she just looked at me
disturbingly. I could see the pity in her eyes and right then I knew I had to
get up and walk. I don't want to look ugly when people would put me in my
coffin. I want to die pretty. So that was not the time to die because I was
thin, unhealthy, generally ugly!
You see, if we keep
on looking at things from a negative perspective, our brain will subconsciously
choose to give up, then our body, our mind and our emotion will give up at the
same time. We have to be conscious always
so that we will be in control of our choices.
Choice is something
that we do everyday. Once you have chosen to do something, you have to keep on
choosing to do it everyday. I was reminded of this when watching the movie
"It Takes A Man and A Woman".
One more thing about
choice, it controls our image. If we choose to be pretty then we will be pretty
and everyone will see us as pretty. This is self-concept, yet another issue
worthy of another blog.
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