My daughter came home that day and said “Mama hindi mo na talaga ako ibibili ng cel phone kasi 68 ako sa exam sa WKP” (Wika at Kulturang Pilino). That wasn’t new to me, yet I still felt bad.
We have been having that problem in the same subject since last school year. I was wondering though, after all the Filipino books that I have bought for her to read, how come the problem’s still there?
She has always been good in English. I was even asked one time by her preschool teacher if we communicate in English at home. No, our medium at home is Filipino, which made me wonder even more why she’s having a hard time comprehending the language.
Like most mothers I’ve encountered having the same situation, I wasn’t happy with her grade. That couldn’t be right. We are Filipinos and this is our language, she should do well in this subject. I would have understood if the subject had been Science or Math…but Filipino hay.
I started searching for who or what to blame. I thought it was because of too much TV. She loves watching TV but she never appreciated the Tagalog shows or even the Tagalized cartoons. She only watches Disney Channel and Cartoon Network which would probably explain her English comprehension.
I even went as far as blaming some of her English speaking friends, which I later realized to be a stupid reason because she doesn’t see these children anymore since they have parted ways after preschool.
The blaming went on and on until her report card day. Attached to her report card was a note from her adviser saying please see WKP teacher Ms. Laura. I went to her station and had to wait for a parent before me to finish her consultation with the same teacher.
Finally I was face to face with Ms. Laura. I introduced myself and shook her hand. She greeted me with a sweet smile. She was a very nice woman of around 40 years old.
She looked in her records and read to me my daughters class standing. She then explained shy I was asked to speak to her…it was then that she shared to me a little about herself.
She is an old maid, but unlike most women in her situation, she was blessed to have been a mentor and in effect also a pseudo mother to her niece and nephews whom she took care of until their college days.
I liked the way she spoke, she was not judging. It was clear in her eyes how sincere she is in wanting to help her students and also their parents.
She told me how she spent time with her niece and nephews not to force them to study their lessons but to give them time to draw, play the guitar or do what ever interests them. She did this simply to boost their self esteem. She focused more on their talents and strengths rather than their weaknesses. This way, she said, they would be confident to face the real world.
After that very long but enlightening talk (which resulted to a long line of parents behind me, waiting for their turn to talk to her), I went home with a lighter feeling. I realized how hard it was for my daughter having a mother with high expectations.
How easily I forgot my beliefs when I was younger. I used to believe that it is not your grades which would put you to the top. It’s your faith and your confidence in yourself. It’s your passion for what you do.
I have encountered a lot of people who succeeded in life not because they got high marks but because they are confident that they could make it.I was focusing on the wrong thing. I was so absorbed with the idea that my daughter failed the exam (her grade in the report card though is passing) that she is not good in that subject.
Then I realized that I was not feeling bad about her standing because she’s being affected by it, but more because I couldn’t accept it. I, being used to not having any line of seven in my elementary days, could not accept that my daughter had a 79 in her card.
That conversation with her teacher made me see that I was wrong in that area. I shouldn’t compare her to me or to anyone else because she is her own person. Her academic standing will affect her personality by only a small degree as compared to the low self esteem that my disappointment had made her feel.
My concerns should have been how to boost her confidence even if she is having a hard time with her Filipino subjects. I should be praising her on the good grades she got on her other subjects and not showing her my disappointment on that one area.
I have always known what she’s good at but still I dwelled on what she was weak at.What Ms. Laura said was true. If I help my daughter develop her strengths, her confidence will grow. Even if she isn’t that good in her academics, she knows that she’s better than the rest in other things.
Curious how many mothers tend to forget that they do not exist merely to provide for the children but more to be a friend to them. I realized that I as a mother should be a friend to my daughter the way my mother was a friend to me. I should teach her not just her lessons (which she’s probably having enough of in school) but more of life.
I started to accept my daughter’s fate. She is what she wants to be for herself and not what I want her to be. I am here simply to guide her and not to push her. My role as a mother is to love her for what she is and not for what I want her to be.
I guess I have her WKP grade to thank, ‘coz had it not happened, I wouldn’t have been able to talk to her wonderful teacher Ms. Laura and be enlightened by her wisdom
No comments:
Post a Comment