It’s freaky how parents’ tendency nowadays is to over-schedule their pre-schoolers or elementary kids. There are those who tend to give children one activity after another. Some even pressure their children to study for 2 or more hours after school or have them enrolled in programs which they think would help them get admitted in top-ranking schools.
But have you noticed the children lately, they cry over things they don’t usually cry about. They have sleepless nights even if they complain of a tiresome day, they even complain of headaches now which is not likely for kids unless they have fever.
All these structured, routine activities are stressing them out instead of helping them learn. School in itself is stressful and adding more after school activities is just adding up to their stress.
Instead of learning, children often become easily frustrated. I tried observing some children even my own girl and they try so hard to satisfy their parents. Even if sometimes they are just to tired to do things, they will still work just to make their parents proud and if their parent’s get disappointed the children gets frustrated and irritated and would cry silently.
We often react to this with anger, harsh words, and explanations of why they should do this and why they should prepare for a better tomorrow. But children these young don’t really understand why, and maybe they just need a time out.
Have you tried looking back at your own childhood? Comparing how you spent your days then, playing after school, sitting in the park just resting, running around with the other children and daydreaming. That is childhood, it’s all about playing, dreaming and discovering news things. This is how a person learns the realities of the world, by experiencing it, not by reading it in a book. We adults are very lucky to have experienced. Kids now would come home, have a drink of water and hit their books at their parents’ command. It’s all too sad how they have no more time to play, interact with people and dream.
Carleton Kendrick Ed.M., LSCW said in and article on over schedule kids that “ kids whose lives are so tightly structured and schedules are not learning how to feel comfortable on their own, alone with their imagination, free to pursue their natural curiosities and sense of wonder, encouraged to become resourceful, self-reliant.”
We always want our children to be productive and we give them structured routine activities. What we don’t realize is that with playing they are productive, they exercise their imagination and they learn.
There have been researches supporting the theory that it is important for children to do self-initiated, unstructured play or work to allow them to develop their neurological and cognitive growth.
Sure the world is moving at a fast pace but childhood is childhood and it shouldn’t be stolen from children.
Go to kyo's website
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Thank you Miss Laura
My daughter came home that day and said “Mama hindi mo na talaga ako ibibili ng cel phone kasi 68 ako sa exam sa WKP” (Wika at Kulturang Pilino). That wasn’t new to me, yet I still felt bad.
We have been having that problem in the same subject since last school year. I was wondering though, after all the Filipino books that I have bought for her to read, how come the problem’s still there?
She has always been good in English. I was even asked one time by her preschool teacher if we communicate in English at home. No, our medium at home is Filipino, which made me wonder even more why she’s having a hard time comprehending the language.
Like most mothers I’ve encountered having the same situation, I wasn’t happy with her grade. That couldn’t be right. We are Filipinos and this is our language, she should do well in this subject. I would have understood if the subject had been Science or Math…but Filipino hay.
I started searching for who or what to blame. I thought it was because of too much TV. She loves watching TV but she never appreciated the Tagalog shows or even the Tagalized cartoons. She only watches Disney Channel and Cartoon Network which would probably explain her English comprehension.
I even went as far as blaming some of her English speaking friends, which I later realized to be a stupid reason because she doesn’t see these children anymore since they have parted ways after preschool.
The blaming went on and on until her report card day. Attached to her report card was a note from her adviser saying please see WKP teacher Ms. Laura. I went to her station and had to wait for a parent before me to finish her consultation with the same teacher.
Finally I was face to face with Ms. Laura. I introduced myself and shook her hand. She greeted me with a sweet smile. She was a very nice woman of around 40 years old.
She looked in her records and read to me my daughters class standing. She then explained shy I was asked to speak to her…it was then that she shared to me a little about herself.
She is an old maid, but unlike most women in her situation, she was blessed to have been a mentor and in effect also a pseudo mother to her niece and nephews whom she took care of until their college days.
I liked the way she spoke, she was not judging. It was clear in her eyes how sincere she is in wanting to help her students and also their parents.
She told me how she spent time with her niece and nephews not to force them to study their lessons but to give them time to draw, play the guitar or do what ever interests them. She did this simply to boost their self esteem. She focused more on their talents and strengths rather than their weaknesses. This way, she said, they would be confident to face the real world.
After that very long but enlightening talk (which resulted to a long line of parents behind me, waiting for their turn to talk to her), I went home with a lighter feeling. I realized how hard it was for my daughter having a mother with high expectations.
How easily I forgot my beliefs when I was younger. I used to believe that it is not your grades which would put you to the top. It’s your faith and your confidence in yourself. It’s your passion for what you do.
I have encountered a lot of people who succeeded in life not because they got high marks but because they are confident that they could make it.I was focusing on the wrong thing. I was so absorbed with the idea that my daughter failed the exam (her grade in the report card though is passing) that she is not good in that subject.
Then I realized that I was not feeling bad about her standing because she’s being affected by it, but more because I couldn’t accept it. I, being used to not having any line of seven in my elementary days, could not accept that my daughter had a 79 in her card.
That conversation with her teacher made me see that I was wrong in that area. I shouldn’t compare her to me or to anyone else because she is her own person. Her academic standing will affect her personality by only a small degree as compared to the low self esteem that my disappointment had made her feel.
My concerns should have been how to boost her confidence even if she is having a hard time with her Filipino subjects. I should be praising her on the good grades she got on her other subjects and not showing her my disappointment on that one area.
I have always known what she’s good at but still I dwelled on what she was weak at.What Ms. Laura said was true. If I help my daughter develop her strengths, her confidence will grow. Even if she isn’t that good in her academics, she knows that she’s better than the rest in other things.
Curious how many mothers tend to forget that they do not exist merely to provide for the children but more to be a friend to them. I realized that I as a mother should be a friend to my daughter the way my mother was a friend to me. I should teach her not just her lessons (which she’s probably having enough of in school) but more of life.
I started to accept my daughter’s fate. She is what she wants to be for herself and not what I want her to be. I am here simply to guide her and not to push her. My role as a mother is to love her for what she is and not for what I want her to be.
I guess I have her WKP grade to thank, ‘coz had it not happened, I wouldn’t have been able to talk to her wonderful teacher Ms. Laura and be enlightened by her wisdom
We have been having that problem in the same subject since last school year. I was wondering though, after all the Filipino books that I have bought for her to read, how come the problem’s still there?
She has always been good in English. I was even asked one time by her preschool teacher if we communicate in English at home. No, our medium at home is Filipino, which made me wonder even more why she’s having a hard time comprehending the language.
Like most mothers I’ve encountered having the same situation, I wasn’t happy with her grade. That couldn’t be right. We are Filipinos and this is our language, she should do well in this subject. I would have understood if the subject had been Science or Math…but Filipino hay.
I started searching for who or what to blame. I thought it was because of too much TV. She loves watching TV but she never appreciated the Tagalog shows or even the Tagalized cartoons. She only watches Disney Channel and Cartoon Network which would probably explain her English comprehension.
I even went as far as blaming some of her English speaking friends, which I later realized to be a stupid reason because she doesn’t see these children anymore since they have parted ways after preschool.
The blaming went on and on until her report card day. Attached to her report card was a note from her adviser saying please see WKP teacher Ms. Laura. I went to her station and had to wait for a parent before me to finish her consultation with the same teacher.
Finally I was face to face with Ms. Laura. I introduced myself and shook her hand. She greeted me with a sweet smile. She was a very nice woman of around 40 years old.
She looked in her records and read to me my daughters class standing. She then explained shy I was asked to speak to her…it was then that she shared to me a little about herself.
She is an old maid, but unlike most women in her situation, she was blessed to have been a mentor and in effect also a pseudo mother to her niece and nephews whom she took care of until their college days.
I liked the way she spoke, she was not judging. It was clear in her eyes how sincere she is in wanting to help her students and also their parents.
She told me how she spent time with her niece and nephews not to force them to study their lessons but to give them time to draw, play the guitar or do what ever interests them. She did this simply to boost their self esteem. She focused more on their talents and strengths rather than their weaknesses. This way, she said, they would be confident to face the real world.
After that very long but enlightening talk (which resulted to a long line of parents behind me, waiting for their turn to talk to her), I went home with a lighter feeling. I realized how hard it was for my daughter having a mother with high expectations.
How easily I forgot my beliefs when I was younger. I used to believe that it is not your grades which would put you to the top. It’s your faith and your confidence in yourself. It’s your passion for what you do.
I have encountered a lot of people who succeeded in life not because they got high marks but because they are confident that they could make it.I was focusing on the wrong thing. I was so absorbed with the idea that my daughter failed the exam (her grade in the report card though is passing) that she is not good in that subject.
Then I realized that I was not feeling bad about her standing because she’s being affected by it, but more because I couldn’t accept it. I, being used to not having any line of seven in my elementary days, could not accept that my daughter had a 79 in her card.
That conversation with her teacher made me see that I was wrong in that area. I shouldn’t compare her to me or to anyone else because she is her own person. Her academic standing will affect her personality by only a small degree as compared to the low self esteem that my disappointment had made her feel.
My concerns should have been how to boost her confidence even if she is having a hard time with her Filipino subjects. I should be praising her on the good grades she got on her other subjects and not showing her my disappointment on that one area.
I have always known what she’s good at but still I dwelled on what she was weak at.What Ms. Laura said was true. If I help my daughter develop her strengths, her confidence will grow. Even if she isn’t that good in her academics, she knows that she’s better than the rest in other things.
Curious how many mothers tend to forget that they do not exist merely to provide for the children but more to be a friend to them. I realized that I as a mother should be a friend to my daughter the way my mother was a friend to me. I should teach her not just her lessons (which she’s probably having enough of in school) but more of life.
I started to accept my daughter’s fate. She is what she wants to be for herself and not what I want her to be. I am here simply to guide her and not to push her. My role as a mother is to love her for what she is and not for what I want her to be.
I guess I have her WKP grade to thank, ‘coz had it not happened, I wouldn’t have been able to talk to her wonderful teacher Ms. Laura and be enlightened by her wisdom
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Clipping their wings of letting them fly
I remember the first time my daughter stepped into a classroom that was in a small pre-school beside the church in our town. I thought we would never make it inside the room that day because the parents who were picking up children from an earlier class and those bringing their children in for the next class were crowding at the entrance. Even the kids couldn’t make their way through the crowd. I then wondered, “what’s this anyway, the first day of classes or parents’ orientation?”
At last the children from the earlier period were all gone and the one and only teacher that the school had, was ready to start the next class…or so I thought!
She didn’t start the class with a ‘good morning children,’ but rather with ‘would the parents please step out!’ I almost laughed as I peeked through the window to check on what’s happening, some parents were actually seated inside the classroom beside their child. The small chairs almost gave way to their bulky built. As the teacher called on their attention, some did stand up while some stayed because their children were all whining. I left as soon as I saw my daughter talking to a classmate and just enjoying herself.
When I came back to pick up my daughter, the same scenario met me at the entrance. Some parents were checking if their child finished their food as if not being witness to the recess. There was this one who really caught my attention, she got really mad at a parent whose shoulder bag slightly hit the head of her son.
This scenario went on until the middle of the year. Sometimes when I would pick up my daughter early I would find parents who were there since the start of the period and are waiting for classes to end, some would call their kids during recess to feed them and yes there were still parents inside the room.
The latter really freaked out the teacher and when she finally got fed up she talked to the parents of those children and on the next half of the school year, I learned that the children were pulled out of the school, the teacher simply said “the kids and their parents are not ready for preschool” and to the remaining parents she said “don’t be overprotective of your children, nothing bad will happen to them here in school”
Over-protectiveness, a typical mistake parents make and I guess everyone’s guilty of this. A friend ones told me, over-protectiveness is different from being excited. Some of the parents of preschoolers are just so excited that they tend to be very fussy about things. On the other hand, there is still this familiar scene that you would find in schools all throughout the year that,I even as a parent do not understand.
Grace Shangkuan Koo, Ph.D. mentioned in her column some interesting ones “the yaya or mother wiping and drying the back of a child. The protective guardian pours baby powder on the kid and frantically fans her "suffering" angel. Some parents carry school bags for their kids when the youngsters are perfectly capable of hauling their own load. You see these poor parents seated on the kiddy chairs after dismissal, copying assignments or notes for their kids.”
Being protective is probably a natural reaction from parents especially with the harsh environment that children are exposed to now, but then again, there is always too much of something.
Over-protectiveness is a totally different story and Dr. Koo says “parents who protect their kids from taking the consequences of their action or lack of it may raise spoiled, dependent, irresponsible children."
A friend of mine who happened to be a teacher in elementary told me that “too many well-meaning parents may prevent a skinned knee or even a broken arm by being overly protective physically, but in the process they may exert undue influence and diminish the feelings of self-reliance and self-control.”
I remember having a classmate in elementary whose mom would stay all day in school watching him, spoon-feeding him and wiping his back. This went on until grade six and I could see his embarrassment but he just couldn’t do anything. This made him really insecure and though he had some friends, he would choose to stay quiet so that the older kids would not notice him and tease him.
Every one of us at one point in our kiddy lives would have prayed for our parents to lay off our backs and this is probably what our children are thinking of right now. A kid as young as four can already feel bound and trapped by over-protectiveness. My daughter would sometimes tell me “i can do this mom!" and of course I know that she really can do it but I would be too afraid of her being hurt.“
Overprotective parents unintentionally send out a message to their children that they are incapable of handling things by themselves. In addition, the parents’ fears transmit themselves to the children who, in turn, begin to perceive dangers lurking in every new activity and experience.” This is what experts from Indiaparenting.com say about overprotective parents.
They added that “when a child does something on her own for the first time, it is a great accomplishment, even if it is something as insignificant as learning to ride a bicycle. Parents who wrap their children in cotton wool, in a manner of speaking, are denying their children this pleasure.”
There are just so many reasons why a parent would become over-protective. Some parents easily feel afraid and guilty even if there is really no reason to feel it. Our fear of what would happen to our children and our quilt that we got mad at them often pushes us to have overprotective feelings.
Other parents become overprotective of a child who has had a serious illness or accident because they feel that this child is vulnerable. But instead of helping these children to strive to be stronger, they are weakened even more by the thought that someone’s just there to take care of them.
It can be very hard to know what is an appropriate level of protectiveness and what is overprotective. What is most important is that we are aware of this issue and try, whenever possible, to allow our child to deal with the challenges and problems that she is ready to deal with.
Open communication, listen to and trust the children, these would be very effective tools. One thing I learned throughout the years is that children would say honestly what they can and cannot do. They know when to ask for help and when not to.
Of course we parents will often, if not always, know what is best for our children and we would still decide what’s permissible and not but we ought to be careful that the need to protect the children from certain specific dangers doesn't turn into a habit of over-protectiveness in general. At the end of the day, it is still the wings of our children that we are controlling, we either clip it or we let it go for them to soar.
At last the children from the earlier period were all gone and the one and only teacher that the school had, was ready to start the next class…or so I thought!
She didn’t start the class with a ‘good morning children,’ but rather with ‘would the parents please step out!’ I almost laughed as I peeked through the window to check on what’s happening, some parents were actually seated inside the classroom beside their child. The small chairs almost gave way to their bulky built. As the teacher called on their attention, some did stand up while some stayed because their children were all whining. I left as soon as I saw my daughter talking to a classmate and just enjoying herself.
When I came back to pick up my daughter, the same scenario met me at the entrance. Some parents were checking if their child finished their food as if not being witness to the recess. There was this one who really caught my attention, she got really mad at a parent whose shoulder bag slightly hit the head of her son.
This scenario went on until the middle of the year. Sometimes when I would pick up my daughter early I would find parents who were there since the start of the period and are waiting for classes to end, some would call their kids during recess to feed them and yes there were still parents inside the room.
The latter really freaked out the teacher and when she finally got fed up she talked to the parents of those children and on the next half of the school year, I learned that the children were pulled out of the school, the teacher simply said “the kids and their parents are not ready for preschool” and to the remaining parents she said “don’t be overprotective of your children, nothing bad will happen to them here in school”
Over-protectiveness, a typical mistake parents make and I guess everyone’s guilty of this. A friend ones told me, over-protectiveness is different from being excited. Some of the parents of preschoolers are just so excited that they tend to be very fussy about things. On the other hand, there is still this familiar scene that you would find in schools all throughout the year that,I even as a parent do not understand.
Grace Shangkuan Koo, Ph.D. mentioned in her column some interesting ones “the yaya or mother wiping and drying the back of a child. The protective guardian pours baby powder on the kid and frantically fans her "suffering" angel. Some parents carry school bags for their kids when the youngsters are perfectly capable of hauling their own load. You see these poor parents seated on the kiddy chairs after dismissal, copying assignments or notes for their kids.”
Being protective is probably a natural reaction from parents especially with the harsh environment that children are exposed to now, but then again, there is always too much of something.
Over-protectiveness is a totally different story and Dr. Koo says “parents who protect their kids from taking the consequences of their action or lack of it may raise spoiled, dependent, irresponsible children."
A friend of mine who happened to be a teacher in elementary told me that “too many well-meaning parents may prevent a skinned knee or even a broken arm by being overly protective physically, but in the process they may exert undue influence and diminish the feelings of self-reliance and self-control.”
I remember having a classmate in elementary whose mom would stay all day in school watching him, spoon-feeding him and wiping his back. This went on until grade six and I could see his embarrassment but he just couldn’t do anything. This made him really insecure and though he had some friends, he would choose to stay quiet so that the older kids would not notice him and tease him.
Every one of us at one point in our kiddy lives would have prayed for our parents to lay off our backs and this is probably what our children are thinking of right now. A kid as young as four can already feel bound and trapped by over-protectiveness. My daughter would sometimes tell me “i can do this mom!" and of course I know that she really can do it but I would be too afraid of her being hurt.“
Overprotective parents unintentionally send out a message to their children that they are incapable of handling things by themselves. In addition, the parents’ fears transmit themselves to the children who, in turn, begin to perceive dangers lurking in every new activity and experience.” This is what experts from Indiaparenting.com say about overprotective parents.
They added that “when a child does something on her own for the first time, it is a great accomplishment, even if it is something as insignificant as learning to ride a bicycle. Parents who wrap their children in cotton wool, in a manner of speaking, are denying their children this pleasure.”
There are just so many reasons why a parent would become over-protective. Some parents easily feel afraid and guilty even if there is really no reason to feel it. Our fear of what would happen to our children and our quilt that we got mad at them often pushes us to have overprotective feelings.
Other parents become overprotective of a child who has had a serious illness or accident because they feel that this child is vulnerable. But instead of helping these children to strive to be stronger, they are weakened even more by the thought that someone’s just there to take care of them.
It can be very hard to know what is an appropriate level of protectiveness and what is overprotective. What is most important is that we are aware of this issue and try, whenever possible, to allow our child to deal with the challenges and problems that she is ready to deal with.
Open communication, listen to and trust the children, these would be very effective tools. One thing I learned throughout the years is that children would say honestly what they can and cannot do. They know when to ask for help and when not to.
Of course we parents will often, if not always, know what is best for our children and we would still decide what’s permissible and not but we ought to be careful that the need to protect the children from certain specific dangers doesn't turn into a habit of over-protectiveness in general. At the end of the day, it is still the wings of our children that we are controlling, we either clip it or we let it go for them to soar.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
What I used to be
I answered the phone late that Wednesday night and a shaky voice from the other end of the reciever let out an unrecognizable hello. So I said a louder hello with the hope that the caller would speak louder.
With now a louder hello from the other end, I recognized who was calling, it was my college friend, so I said o bakit?
She started talking fast and furious. Between her angry words she let out sighs and one or two ay naku talaga nakakainis, before starting with another complain.
Over and over again she kept saying how she hated being told what to do, especially when it comes to raising her child. Bakit ba tingin nila sa akin ang tanga tanga ko at hindi ko alam ang ginagawa ko?!
She was telling me about a recent argument she had with her mom about her three year old daughter. But I couldn’t get clearly everything that she was saying, I was simply so tired and sleepy. Then she said, Ba’t ba ayaw nila ko pabayaan diskartehan ang buhay ko? Then there was sobbing from her end.
She was probably waiting for me to say something…anything. But I couldn’t speak. With her last words I felt like I could almost hear my old self talking to me, the one I’ve set aside sometime ago.
As a mother at 18, I also went through that dilemma. The misery of enduring the endless nagging of adults around you. All of them telling you what to do with your life and how to raise your children.
But I was a proud girl. I have always been the kind of person who would try to do things alone. I was not a team player, both in school and in life. I wouldn’t say that it was what brought me astray, but it somehow contributed. In my endeavor to be independent of my family, I found myself walking the wrong path.
When you’re a young mother, choices become screwed up. You would want to do things all at the same time. In my case, I wanted to continue my education so as to earn a degree and later get a high rated job. Yet, I also wanted to get a job at that instant, so that I will not have to ask for financial assistance from my parents. At the same time, I wanted to be always beside my child because I’m starting to feel guilty of not being there most of the time, but then again, I have to go to school. I also want to move out of our house and live on my own…endless wants with the aim of showing the world that I am good and I can do this without any help from others even if I’m young. My obsession to prove other people wrong about what they think of me got the best of me.
I started neglecting a lot of things and people, even my daughter. I couldn’t focus and so I couldn’t achieve anything. I had no back-up plans. I would cry of anger when things go wrong and blame every person whom I feel had anything to do with my mistake, except myself.
It had to take my daughter’s childhood pains, brought by my own proud and childish decisions, to make me realize that I needed help. I love my family too much that I wanted to do the best for them. But I realized later that I am not giving them the best because I don’t know anything…I don’t know how and where to take off.
My mom was right, I was a fledgeling, and I needed someone to teach me to fly, someone who knows how to, of course.
I have heard myself countless times saying the same words that I am hearing now from my friend, only to realize later on that I was given the time of my life, to be free, to fly, but I crash landed -- I got pregnant at 18.
After seeing what my child had gone through in those five years that I was so busy trying to be a better person for the wrong reasons, I gave my life plan some thoughts. What was I doing? Are these what I should really be doing? What am I five to ten years from now? And the answers I got were a lot of I don’t knows.
I wasn’t sure of anything…of what to do. Things have got to change and this pounded in my head.
In a heart to heart talk with my mom she told me that I am not weak, in fact I am strong. But my strength blinds me and pushes me to the wrong direction. It creates vengeance in my heart which shouldn’t be the way. I needed guidance to put my strength in good use.
I was very wrong in thinking that these people who are nagging me are trying to take over my life, ‘coz they weren’t. What they were doing was honing me, channeling my strength to the right maternal path.
I later realized, I was very fortunate because I managed to get out of all the pains and sorrows that went my way. I owe this management skills to the constant nagging of adults around. I was able to fly high after all those crashes.
If there’s one thing I regret, it would be not realizing my incapabilities sooner. Now, I have to go through trouble shooting all the negative effects that my childish views had brought.
That’s life, I have to reap what I sow. But I know that I can still do something about everything as long as I’m alive. The beauty of life is in second chances.
And so I asked my friend Ano ba ginagawa mo? Ano ba ang dapat mo gawin? Pano mo nakikita sarili mo five or ten years from now?
She gave me my old self’s answer to the same questions…ewan ko.
And I didn’t say any more.
Go to kyo's website
With now a louder hello from the other end, I recognized who was calling, it was my college friend, so I said o bakit?
She started talking fast and furious. Between her angry words she let out sighs and one or two ay naku talaga nakakainis, before starting with another complain.
Over and over again she kept saying how she hated being told what to do, especially when it comes to raising her child. Bakit ba tingin nila sa akin ang tanga tanga ko at hindi ko alam ang ginagawa ko?!
She was telling me about a recent argument she had with her mom about her three year old daughter. But I couldn’t get clearly everything that she was saying, I was simply so tired and sleepy. Then she said, Ba’t ba ayaw nila ko pabayaan diskartehan ang buhay ko? Then there was sobbing from her end.
She was probably waiting for me to say something…anything. But I couldn’t speak. With her last words I felt like I could almost hear my old self talking to me, the one I’ve set aside sometime ago.
As a mother at 18, I also went through that dilemma. The misery of enduring the endless nagging of adults around you. All of them telling you what to do with your life and how to raise your children.
But I was a proud girl. I have always been the kind of person who would try to do things alone. I was not a team player, both in school and in life. I wouldn’t say that it was what brought me astray, but it somehow contributed. In my endeavor to be independent of my family, I found myself walking the wrong path.
When you’re a young mother, choices become screwed up. You would want to do things all at the same time. In my case, I wanted to continue my education so as to earn a degree and later get a high rated job. Yet, I also wanted to get a job at that instant, so that I will not have to ask for financial assistance from my parents. At the same time, I wanted to be always beside my child because I’m starting to feel guilty of not being there most of the time, but then again, I have to go to school. I also want to move out of our house and live on my own…endless wants with the aim of showing the world that I am good and I can do this without any help from others even if I’m young. My obsession to prove other people wrong about what they think of me got the best of me.
I started neglecting a lot of things and people, even my daughter. I couldn’t focus and so I couldn’t achieve anything. I had no back-up plans. I would cry of anger when things go wrong and blame every person whom I feel had anything to do with my mistake, except myself.
It had to take my daughter’s childhood pains, brought by my own proud and childish decisions, to make me realize that I needed help. I love my family too much that I wanted to do the best for them. But I realized later that I am not giving them the best because I don’t know anything…I don’t know how and where to take off.
My mom was right, I was a fledgeling, and I needed someone to teach me to fly, someone who knows how to, of course.
I have heard myself countless times saying the same words that I am hearing now from my friend, only to realize later on that I was given the time of my life, to be free, to fly, but I crash landed -- I got pregnant at 18.
After seeing what my child had gone through in those five years that I was so busy trying to be a better person for the wrong reasons, I gave my life plan some thoughts. What was I doing? Are these what I should really be doing? What am I five to ten years from now? And the answers I got were a lot of I don’t knows.
I wasn’t sure of anything…of what to do. Things have got to change and this pounded in my head.
In a heart to heart talk with my mom she told me that I am not weak, in fact I am strong. But my strength blinds me and pushes me to the wrong direction. It creates vengeance in my heart which shouldn’t be the way. I needed guidance to put my strength in good use.
I was very wrong in thinking that these people who are nagging me are trying to take over my life, ‘coz they weren’t. What they were doing was honing me, channeling my strength to the right maternal path.
I later realized, I was very fortunate because I managed to get out of all the pains and sorrows that went my way. I owe this management skills to the constant nagging of adults around. I was able to fly high after all those crashes.
If there’s one thing I regret, it would be not realizing my incapabilities sooner. Now, I have to go through trouble shooting all the negative effects that my childish views had brought.
That’s life, I have to reap what I sow. But I know that I can still do something about everything as long as I’m alive. The beauty of life is in second chances.
And so I asked my friend Ano ba ginagawa mo? Ano ba ang dapat mo gawin? Pano mo nakikita sarili mo five or ten years from now?
She gave me my old self’s answer to the same questions…ewan ko.
And I didn’t say any more.
Go to kyo's website
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)